Al Bundy is long overdue to be knighted by Yours Truly in the New JeffLand Empire:
It’s the weekend of the CFL’s 2010 Grey Cup; a rematch of last year’s championship between the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Montreal Alouettes. This year, the Grey Cup is being played in Edmonton.
Now, I’ve been in the stands in Commonwealth Stadium when Saskatchewan rolled into town against the Eskimos and the attendance swelled from the average 29,780 to 47,829. The likeliest scenario is that more than one third of fans in attendance were full of Rider Pride. This meant that over 18,000 Roughrider fans made the pilgrimage from the ‘Old Country’ to Edmonton to watch their football team play. And this was a regular season game. Picture Edmonton with the Rider Pride rolling into town because of the Grey Cup.
To say it gets crazy when the Saskatchewan Roughriders come to town would be an understatement.
Getting a basic understanding of a Riders fan isn’t difficult; you really need to go no further than the internet. However, to help out, I’ve chosen several Riders fans photos from a quick search to demonstrate a typical fan to those who may not have ever seen this phenomenon in person. Besides their fanatical dedication to their team, they are also known for their small town attitudes and are stereotyped as lovers of Pilsner beer.
To get on with my story, I headed out to a nearby liquor store to grab some beer for the evening and as I pulled into the parking lot, a white crew-cab truck pulled in and parked. I watched as six large men stepped out of the truck, all of them wearing the emerald green home jersey of the Saskatchewan Roughriders. I wanted to perform a bit of a social test of the whole ‘Riders fan loves Pilsner’ stereotype for my own interest so I lagged behind a little and observed.
Two of them briefly lingered by the vodka shelf before following the other four guys headed for the beer cooler. I followed and casually observed them head to the domestic beer section. I was on the other side of the beer cooler mulling over my options at the import beer shelf, keeping one eye on the six Riders fans.
Half of the motley crew left around the same time I did and the other half remained in the beer cooler for a little while longer. At the end of the day, all six of these Riders fans ended up at the till while I was still there. Five of the six of them ended up with a box of Pilsner beer with the sixth being the rogue of the bunch and carrying a 24 can box of Wildcat Strong.
So what does this mean? It’s hard to say, really.
One could also say that five out of six Riders fans prefer Pilsner to Wildcat Strong, however I don’t feel this is truly a scientific conclusion. My main thought revolves around whether a stereotype is actually a stereotype if it’s true. Because, in this case, I’d say that it is.
The King is ‘holding the fort’ on his own this week. The rest of the royal family went on a bit of a road trip to the Canadian west coast to visit the Duchess in Vancouver; making this the first re-union since she migrated west from the NJLE.
I’d liked to have been able to go. However, in the past six months, all of those little things that go along with being King necessitated me taking an hour off here, a half a day there and before you know it… I’ve burned through all of my vacation time that I’d earned manning the helm of industry. What can I say? I’ve nickel and dimed myself out of a summer vacation.
So what am I to do for the next week? Judging from the picture to the left, I’m going to have a bevy or two. I’m going to relax. I’m going to lounge around in the royal chambers absolutely buck naked. I’m going to save my farts in a jar. You know, the kind of the things that all of the royals do when they are unsupervised.
To be truthful, I’ve got a few things that I’d like to get done around the kingdom over the next couple of days. Exactly what those things are, well… I’m not going to give it up here. In reality, there’s a lot depending on what the weather is going to be like; weather that has been nothing but infinitely sucktastic since the royal fam left yesterday morning.
I guess there is a lot that can go on in the next week in the New JeffLand Empire… I’ll have to post some updates to make sure that everyone is on the same page.
The Queen’s work schedule tends to be a bit spotty, with her working two part time jobs. On Monday and Tuesday, she works a retail job and on Friday night and Saturday night she is a waitress at a local restaurant. As such, Tuesday becomes her Friday and she will sometimes cut loose and consume a few barley pops.
Unfortunately, her Saturday morning is the rest of the world’s Wednesday morning and life generally goes on. The Queen’s alcohol tolerance isn’t really called into question however the aftermath of her having even a couple of drinks is usually nothing less than utter devastation for her. To say that she’s hungover and in rough shape is understating the obvious.
Anyway, yesterday proved to be an exceptionally suckish day for the Queen and she was raring to cut loose. Last night, she cut loose and consumed a few drinks before deciding to check out the nightlife with the Queen of JeffLand’s neighbouring country to the east, Abramistan. This could only mean one thing: shit was gonna get ugly.
The Queen stumbled into the palace somewhere between 3:00 am and 4:00 am, completely annihilated. I have no idea how much she had to drink but I can tell you that she could have been swimming around in a swimming pool full of beer and I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.
So, naturally, when 7:30 am rolled around and the Princes needed to rise for school… she was in no condition to be conscious, never mind getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle to drive our progeny to their school.
After spending some quality time with the royal throne, she stumbled out of the throne room and said:
I’ll pay you a million dollars to drive the kids to school.
Luckily, I had booked the morning off from work to take the NJLE conveyance in for a repair estimate. The timing was such that I could drop the boys off, pick up a coffee and make it to the body shop with plenty of time to spare. Plus… a million dollars? Damn straight.
The transfer of her million dollars from her personal account to the New JeffLand Empire’s coffers went pretty smoothly and the transaction was complete. Granted, the Jeffback isn’t recognized as legal tender anywhere else in the world and can’t be benchmarked against any other international currency but a million dollars is a million dollars. Bottom line.
So I drove the boys to school, got the coffee that I so desperately needed and went to get the estimate done. As it turns out, it’s going to cost about $7,600 to fix my car. Conveniently, I just came into a cool million dollars to pay for it. And the auto body shop? They can keep the change.