Category Archives: The Kingdom
So it was pouring yesterday and I came home to the Prince of Stanley (PoS) and our ex-neighbor, Keaton, goofing it up with the Prince of Albacore (PoA) and the Duke of Ginger (DoG) also doing their own thing. I ate and then did some chillaxing. The DoG was going to go for a run with the Queen’s boss who is a bit of a fitness nut and he come upstairs after changing to go and said, “the PoS and Keaton spilled something in the hallway because there is a bit wet spot in the carpet.”
My heart skipped a beat.
This sounds like the last couple of times that our sump pump cratered on us and I noted some weird behavior over the weekend of the hose that runs from the pump discharge to the lawn. I ran downstairs to try and figure out if we were having an issue. Sure enough, we were.
I ran upstairs and got the PoS and Keaton and the PoA to go downstairs and start pulling everything out from the crawl space where the lid of the sump is located. I immediately hopped in my car and drove furiously to Lowe’s to buy a replacement pump.
Five minutes and $159 + tax later, I was out the door and back into my car. I made tracks back to the house and ran inside with the box on top of my shoulder, leaping three steps to get onto the back deck.
Moments later, I was in the basement attaching the spare hose I had to the pump before plunking the replacement pump into the sump. I put the discharge into floor drain in the laundry room and then plugged the pump in. It kicked on immediately and began pumping the groundwater into the floor drain. Where it might normally run for ten to fifteen seconds to empty the sump; the pump ran for a full ten MINUTES before turning off. It had to not only drain the sump but drain all of water that had built up in our weeping tile that surrounded the foundation of the house.
I then went to work sopping up the little bit of water that had gotten into the carpet. It was already getting late at this point and I didn’t have the tools at my disposal to fully deal with the problem. Plus, the Queen was out on a Ladies Night out for margaritas and catch Magic Mike.
Anyway, I got a call today at lunch that the basement was flooded! Luckily, the gas man was showing up at the exact same time as when the Queen discovered it and he noted that the discharge of the hose was too far into the floor drain and was now submerged due to the rise in water level in the drain. The pump couldn’t overcome the pressure head created by the water level above the discharge so the sump simply backed up and overflowed.
Anyway, I left work immediately. When I got home, I saw how bad it was. The water got into every room. It didn’t really go up higher than the top of the carpet but when you walked, you could see the water squish up. I helped to get the remaining movable items upstairs into the living room and the Queen sped off to the grocery store to rent a steam cleaner. From 12:30 until 4:30, we furiously moved furniture around and pulled up countless gallons of water out of the carpet. Seriously, I have no idea how many gallons are in the container of that Rug Doctor machine and I have even less of an idea of how many times I had to pour it into the toilet into the basement. At least 20.
We took a break for dinner (the Queen’s mom and dad invited us over for dinner) and after dinner, we got back after it. We stopped at around 9:00 because I was physically exhausted and I think the amount of moisture left in the carpet would be comparable to how much would be left if you actually steam cleaned the carpet.
We will have another go at it tomorrow, if necessary, but I think we will largely be waiting for the carpet to finally dry and we can go back to putting the basement back together again and getting the shit that is piled up in our living room, back downstairs where it belongs.
So that has been the last 30 hours. Fun.
Despite whatever successes you think that the New JeffLand Empire may be enjoying… I dare say that it could be false. While the King (me) has been trying to bring this great nation out of destitution and desperation, there are forces at work that would be satisfied with dissolution of the nation to the greater nation of Canada.
Not that there is anything wrong with Canada. It’s a great… nay, an amazing nation! That being said, every man deserves to be king of his own great kingdom. They say that a man’s home is his castle and I believe this to be true.
But what happens when the castle begins to crumble around him? What happens when there is no upkeep while the King toils in international affairs and makes economic strides in the name of the nation? The King becomes angry and dissatisfied, that’s what. Not only does this King not have a refuge from the world but he grows angry with the people around him. He wants to abdicate the throne and move away.
There have been some dark times as of late for The Empire and that’s almost a literal truth. We ran a considerable deficit on our energy billing until our account went well past due and was passed on to the Collections department who promptly interrupted our service.
Rather than leave us in the dark and the cold, they placed a limiter on our power meter which prevented us from consuming too much electricity. This would prevent us from using any of our major appliances. Which, for the most part, wouldn’t stop us from living our lives… except that we couldn’t use our stove/oven, microwave, dishwasher and our washer/dryer combo.
I mean, it could have been worse. Having absolutely zero power would have been pretty shitty so luckily they only do this during the summer.
Anyway, I’ve been between updates for quite some time. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to write about, it’s just that inspiration hasn’t really taken hold and urged me to write about anything in particular. It seems that I’m not the only one, though:
Former bloggers said they were too busy to write lengthy posts and were uninspired by a lack of readers. Others said they had no interest in creating a blog because social networking did a good enough job keeping them in touch with friends and family.
I can understand it, I guess. With sites like Twitter rising in popularity, you can get by with a lot less inspiration than with a standard blog. About 140 characters worth of inspiration, actually. So I guess that’s what is maybe going on with the NJLE site. I mean, even the Queen doesn’t really give a flying fuck what I write about here. She doesn’t even read my uninspired tripe. Whatever. I’ve gotta do what I’ve gotta do.
Fuck it. After 5 days and pushing out both my car and the Queen’s SUV seven separate times from the front of the palace, I have had it.
I’m done. Fucking finished.
Luckily for my sanity and the welfare of anyone in my immediate vicinity, there appears to be a snow removal crew headed into the area. And their arrival is imminent. I’m just hoping that they opt to clear the crescent I live on rather than leave us to fend for ourselves like they did last year.
I’m just stating my position right now: I refuse to push another vehicle out from the front of my house. Especially when it’s mine. And my opinion of Edmonton? This city is fucked and both the near-sighted mayor and the short-sighted city council can go eat a dick.
Every country needs a motto. The United States has ‘In God We Trust’ and, so, I’m left to chose a motto for the New JeffLand Empire:
Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
Not bad, eh?
Bah. The only good thing about this is that Canadian meteorologists don’t have a clue and this forecast could easily change. Whenever I get around to forming the NJLE Weather Service, I’m going to hire psychics rather than meteorologists. I’ll probably stand a better chance at actually getting some decent forecasts.
I, as the King of the New JeffLand Empire, hereby proclaim that shorts and sandals season has arrived! Wear ye summer finery and applaud the arrival of warm weather!
Not that anyone would have noticed but the site was down last week. The JeffLand Treasury has been trying hard to keep the books balanced and make sure all of the bills get paid but, sometimes, one slips through the cracks. This time, it was the friendly folks over at 1 and 1 and they had to cut us off.
We’re back up and running now, obviously. A few payment method changes and we’re all friends again. What can I say? The “global economic crisis” has hit everyone.
Thinking of currency, I had a moment the other day with the Duke of Ginger that prompted me to ponder some of the more informal currency that is traded in JeffLand. One of those currencies is paired socks.
Yes, you read that right. Paired socks.
I don’t know what is going on down at the Royal Laundromat; I often see clean, unmatched socks just hanging around. Stragglers, I suppose. It isn’t for a lack of socks, that’s for sure. There can sometimes be random baskets of socks laying is obscure places. There seems to be a reluctance to spend the time to pair them and I think that, generally, the turnover of dirty socks to clean socks happens in batches rather than a few at a time which may aid in the backlog. Also, single unmatched socks get lost in the stacks of folded and undistributed laundry that piles up at the Laundromat.
Regardless of the reason, those bastards down at the Royal Laundry are lucky they’re unionized… otherwise I’d turf their asses so quickly it would make their heads spin. Let’s get real here… I wasn’t always King. I’ve paired a few socks in my time and, while I know it isn’t a glamorous or enjoyable job, it does have its place. Especially in a northern climate like this; you can’t leave the house without socks.
However, there is hope. Sock Reform is coming to JeffLand and I hope that this new initiative will solve many of the problems encountered by the old system. One of the key reforms is that when new socks are procured, they shall only be black in color. Preferably, they should be of the same type and weight as others previously bought but the main focus is that they are all black. Also, much like other currencies around the world, old socks (typically unmatchable ones or ones that have holes worn in them) are taken out of circulation. With these reforms put in place, I hope we can move forward to create a nation where paired socks are plentiful and the words, “I don’t have any clean socks” never have to be heard coming from a child’s mouth ever again.