Category Archives: Food & Drink

Food & Drink

...in bed.

…in bed.

Fucking Teenagers Make Me Poor

Nature has a funny way of getting revenge on us.

When I was 13, perhaps 14, I had a birthday party that consisted of me swimming with my friends and eating at McDonald’s afterwards. I ended up eating 2 – 20 pack boxes of Chicken McNuggets that day. Because I was hungry.

While I’m sure that my birthday meal took six months off of my life expectancy, I was in dire need of sustenance. I don’t recall the cost of a 20 pack of Chicken McNuggets at the time, however I’m sure that it impacted my parents’ wallet. Never mind eating two of them in one sitting.

Now fast-forward to today…

I picked up the Duke of Ginger from his football training camp Day Two just this afternoon. Since he is a teenager, I knew he would be hungry. When we got home I barbecued eight hot dogs so that he could have a bite to eat. I knew I would have a few as well, and he would eat heartily. Just how heartily I didn’t understand.

The little bastard ate five hotdogs with buns and condiments. In one sitting. And then when the Queen got off of work, she took all three boys to McDonald’s for food. I thought that the Duke would be full from the hotdogs. I was wrong.

Mmmm… Beer

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Happy Friday from the New JeffLand Empire. It’s raining right now but it’s sunny like California in our hearts.

Questions That I Don’t Want To Know The Answer To #1

With Beans!

Are Alpo and canned chili made in the same factory?

Nice Try, But No Cigar

Ok, I’ll admit… smoking cigars inside the palace wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. I spent all day yesterday with the windows open and the internal circulation working overtime trying to air it out. The cigar smell is quite persistent but I think I’ve got most of the smell out… I’ll probably need to take a bit of a tour of duty with the Febreeze to get the last remnants of odorous resistance that are still lingering.

Bill Clinton Knows His Cigars

Oh, Bill.

I don’t have the same “Presidential” experience with cigars that a guy like Bill Clinton does. That being said, I did enjoy the second cigar I’d smoked which was the one I bought at the nearby 7-11 (there’s some irony in there, I think) as it was a far better smoke that the dried out stick I’d smoked earlier on in the evening. It was a Guantanamera Cristales cigar; a Cuban cigar, no doubt. Apparently this cigar is one geared towards novice smokers like myself. Hence why it’s available at the 7-11. Looking at some reviews online, cigar aficionados don’t think much of this cigar, with the opinion that it’s not going to give a novice smoker much enjoyment out of smoking in general.

The thing was $6.50 CDN and I’ve venture to argue it the other way; that spending any more than that on a cigar for someone who really isn’t going to be able to notice a significant difference anyway is a waste. It would be comparable to spending $100 on a bottle of wine for a first time wine drinker. I guess if it was an incremental increase, it wouldn’t be a big deal but I’m really not into it enough to start paying $25 a stogie.

Back To The Homeland

The remainder of the royal family should be returning tomorrow from their vacation to the west coast.  I know they had a good time and my time here alone has been… well, less than noteworthy.  I haven’t really done much other than work and drink.  But, hey… what’s a guy to do in a time of boredom?

I’ve been trying to spend some time to get everything in order around here and make it presentable for when the rest of the crew arrives tomorrow night.  Of course, there’s always more involved than you would originally think.  I’ve been having allergy issues and trouble sleeping so I’m thinking that cleaning the fuck out of this place to try and make it a little easier for me to get some rest at night.  Once I’m done, only time will tell.

Hopefully, the palace can be spic and span before the end of tomorrow night… as a surprise for the family.

You Know It's Summer When…

They start openly advertising for kegs of beer.

Summertime Kegs

Drinky, drinky!!

Justice Is A Dish Best Served Warm… With Ice Cream

Every nation needs to have a constitution and JeffLand is no exception. Without getting into the specifics of the NJLE constitution, there is a clause directed towards the theft and consumption of another man’s pie. It reads, and I quote:

No person shall […] be deprived of life, liberty, or pie, without due process of law; nor shall private pie be taken for public consumption, without just compensation.

Now, I bought an apple pie with the youngest Prince over the weekend and we consumed part of it; leaving the remainder of it for my own ‘personal’ use (and for those of you thinking of THAT pie scene in the movie American Pie… get your heads out of the #%$@ing gutter) during the coming work week.

Without naming names, someone consumed the last of my pie before I could even contemplate taking it to work with me.  He was even ballsy enough to do it right in front of me, necessitating me to take this picture as photographic evidence of this crime.

pie thief

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Obviously, a crime like this cannot go unpunished.  And since my word is law and I am well within my rights, as King, to dole out a swift and merciless punishment against whomever I choose; let it be known from this day forth that the theft of Royal Pie shall be a capital offense, one punishable by death.

Now, whomever it was that ate the Royal Pie, should be lead to the gas chambers* and executed.  However, taking into account that the guilty person is a ginger… I’ve decided that it will be a far more harsh sentence to let the boy live than to put him out of his misery.  Judgment has been passed.

*Note: The NJLE gas chambers consist of having to sit in a confined space with me for two hours after I’ve eaten cabbage, beans and broccoli.

RUTR 2010

It’s R-r-roll Up The Rim (or RUTR for the Canadian Internet folk) season again at Tim Hortons and nothing gets our hearts afluttter like combining coffee and the potential for winning prizes.

RUTR 2010 (pronounced ‘twenty ten’ like the cool kids say it) has over 31 million great prizes this year, including:

  • 40 Toyota Rav 4’s
  • 100 $10,000 cash prizes
  • 1,000 Toshiba netbooks
  • 25,000 $100 prepaid TimCards
  • 31,000,000+ donuts and coffees

I decided to take a year off from my RUTR off-season training since it didn’t do me much good last year; ending the 2009 campaign with a dismal 0.176 ERA (earned rims average). And, so far, it’s paying off! Two days into the season and my (Rimming? That really doesn’t sound good.) average is 0.500!!

If you want to check out more about ‘Roll Up’, hit the official Roll Up website!

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