Justice Is A Dish Best Served Warm… With Ice Cream

Every nation needs to have a constitution and JeffLand is no exception. Without getting into the specifics of the NJLE constitution, there is a clause directed towards the theft and consumption of another man’s pie. It reads, and I quote:

No person shall […] be deprived of life, liberty, or pie, without due process of law; nor shall private pie be taken for public consumption, without just compensation.

Now, I bought an apple pie with the youngest Prince over the weekend and we consumed part of it; leaving the remainder of it for my own ‘personal’ use (and for those of you thinking of THAT pie scene in the movie American Pie… get your heads out of the #%$@ing gutter) during the coming work week.

Without naming names, someone consumed the last of my pie before I could even contemplate taking it to work with me.  He was even ballsy enough to do it right in front of me, necessitating me to take this picture as photographic evidence of this crime.

pie thief

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Obviously, a crime like this cannot go unpunished.  And since my word is law and I am well within my rights, as King, to dole out a swift and merciless punishment against whomever I choose; let it be known from this day forth that the theft of Royal Pie shall be a capital offense, one punishable by death.

Now, whomever it was that ate the Royal Pie, should be lead to the gas chambers* and executed.  However, taking into account that the guilty person is a ginger… I’ve decided that it will be a far more harsh sentence to let the boy live than to put him out of his misery.  Judgment has been passed.

*Note: The NJLE gas chambers consist of having to sit in a confined space with me for two hours after I’ve eaten cabbage, beans and broccoli.

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About El Jefe

He's been called a despot, a humanitarian, a philanthropist, a dumbass and "one sexy bitch". The bottom line is that it's all true... and it's a full-time gig.

Posted on May 19, 2010, in Crime and Punishment, Food & Drink and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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